Adventures of Pedro the Locked Out Gnome

Friday, September 30, 2005

Hey friends, it seems my adventures have gone beyond the CBC blogosphere. Advertising and media website AdRants has discovered my blog and it's on their main page today at! You can also check out the direct link here.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Mr. Pedro goes to Ottawa

I made it to Ottawa! All together now "Raindrops keep falling on my head..."

This flower bed is pretty good, I think I could retire here.

Anyone got some marshmellows?

There's a phallic symbol if I've ever seen one. Let's see if all that power can do something about this lockout.

We're just moments away from the GG's arrival. Why do I feel like I should be holding a squeegee?

Ms. Clarkson, hold up! Oh wait, you've only got one more day on the job, nevermind, keep driving.

It's the new broadcast centre in Ottawa. I wonder if Anthony Germain could give me a tour sometime? Oh wait, the lockout... dammit.

Big thanks to the CMG Ottawa food committee for keeping Pedro's tummy full, good work!

Wow, what a crowd. Time to do some classic Pedro-style networking.

It's Joel Darling, executive producer of Hockey Night in Canada and announcer Mark Lee ... Hey Joel, how about Pedro's Corner in the second intermission?

I'm liking the goatee Paul, but you've got a long way to go to make that a true lockout beard.

Hey Wayne, ever think about taking a gnome with you when you go back on the road again?

You can lock us out, but you can't shut us up, right Shelagh!

Hey, I actually found someone who's almost my height!

Hey Gilles, thank for coming out. You're not half bad, but do you think you could do something about that whole breaking-up-the-country policy of yours?

Looking good Ed! And Jack, thanks for the support, just don't expect any favours when we go back to work.

Ok folks, I'll keep my message short and sweet (just like me).

To quote Jesse Jackson: "Keep Hope Alive!"

1:30 p.m., Question Period is coming up, I better head inside and get a good seat in the peanut gallery and make sure the topic of the lockout comes up.

One long security check later and I'm finally inside. Unfortunately my wet and soggy sign didn't survive the trip through the x-ray machine.

After yet another security check I finally made it to Question Period. I wasn't able to take my camera so unfortunately I don't have a picture.

You may have seen it on TV, but here's a brief description of what happened. It's not exact as my mind started to wander after the first half hour, but eventually they got to the CBC:

Hulk Hogan (aka Charlie Angus NDP) : Whatcha gonna do brotha, when thousands of Canadians run wild on you? Will you end the lockout?

Principal Skinner (aka Joe Fontana, Labour Minister) : Mr. Speaker, I have both sides in my office and they'll get detention if they don't come up with an agreement soon.

Me: Wow, way to act fast Joe! What are we in now, week 7? Hey, I hear FEMA has an opening for a new director.

Not satisfied with what happened during QP I thought I'd see how things were progressing with the negotiations... anybody got a map of this place?

Well negotiations are taking place, though I couldn't get in. I decided to leave the two sides be. This ain't no time for them to be monkeying around ...

... as for me, I can monkey around all I want. It's not everyday I get to Parliament Hill. I might as well take some time and look around before I go.

Did you know I do impressions? Here I am running up the stairs ... look at me I'm Jean Chretien!

Ok, what's this one: I'm in an ivory tower... looking down on CBC employees... that's right, I'm senior management!

Last impression: It's 4 p.m. and I'm having a pint at D'Arcy McGee's. That's a tough one, I might as well be any civil servant in Ottawa!

Well, it's been a long day. I think this pint is well deserved... a toast to everyone who stuck it out and made today a day to remember! Here's hoping the next toast will be to a new deal.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Wow, I must say it was quite a day in Ottawa on Monday. I never realized I had so many fans in the nation's capital. Thanks to all those who came by and said hi. I met tons of great people and had some interesting adventures, including getting into Question Period! Though the rain didn't wipe away my smile, it did leave me with a bit of a cold, so I'm not quite 100% today. But don't worry, I'll have all the details of my visit to Ottawa up soon. Stay tuned!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

My recent exploits in the broadcast centre have garnered me a bit of notoriety. That's given me a chance to hang with some pretty important people. Like the 5th Estate's Hana Gartner...

... and Brian Stewart ...

I've taken an hour to chill with George Stomboloupolous...

I'm even hanging with Peter Mansbridge himself, how cool is that?

Peter: But Pedro, don't let the fame get to your head, we're still locked out. Maybe I'm not the PM you should be talking to.

Me: You're right Peter. I should go see Paul Martin!

Alrighty, I'm off to Ottawa to march on Parliament Hill. See you all there!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

If the RV is Rockin....

The people that created this lockout may have thought the guild would fold and give in. But, in fact, I see the exact opposite happening. People on the line are closer than ever.

But maybe you're not as close to that certain someone on the line as you'd like to be ;)

As you may have noticed, I'm no stranger to the opposite sex, and if your best line is "So, do you picket here often?" , you might need a bit of help.

Now, other sites may just give you a top 10, but you know that with me, you get much more....

Girl, with a booty like that I could picket behind you all day!

Baby you make me wanna cross the line!

What are the terms of your agreement?

Bring back your CBC.... Bring me home!

How about we go back to your place, I'm locked out.

Baby, you could never sign out of my heart.

Rabinovitch, Chalmers, Smith, Stursberg: Evil-doers. Me...Pornstar!

Girl, your feet must be tired, cuz you've been picketing in my mind all day!

That sign looks good on you... it would look even better on my bedroom floor!

Looking for some part time work? I got some positions for you!

Forget casual sex, how about sex with a casual?

I got a contract you can't refuse!

Is that a water bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Hey did it hurt when you fell from heaven onto the picket line?

This is my sign, what's yours?

I hear you can go 20 hours, is that true?

Have you signed up for the naked rally at my place tonight?

You... me ... Front St. Webcam!

and finally.... this has been really tough, a lot of people have fallen on hard times, it's been really hard to make ends meet. I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills, I don't even know if I can take my kids to daycare .... wanna f**k?


I've got a few more, but I'd like to keep this a family-friendly website. But feel free to send in any suggestions you may have.

Legal fine print: Pedro is not responsible if you get a drink spilled on you or slapped as a result of saying these lines. He will however accept monetary donations if you get lucky. Also, not everyone pictured works for CBC so don't hurt your head trying to figure out what department they work in.